Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
