Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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