I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
