Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
