FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
