You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
