My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
