I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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