I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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