i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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