Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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