so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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