I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
