Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
