I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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