i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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