I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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