This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
