Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
