i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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