The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
