3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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