waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
