Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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