yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
