so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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