I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
