the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
