Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
