dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
