i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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