i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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