My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
