maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i think my cat just said my name.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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