Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
