There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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