you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
