shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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