Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
