I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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