Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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