Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
