Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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