Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Will exercising make me less horny?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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