we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
