I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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