the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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