whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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