dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
