careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
