Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
