..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
