**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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